|Wait...exactly what kind of "action" does this figure perform?|
Anyway, it was not to be. Turned out, Lamont's dad worked in construction and made decent money. Whereas the man I called 'dad' worked in a doomed Weyerhauser plant and was soon to be an unemployed, drunken, divorcee. In short, I needed a new dream. No problem I suppose. These days, the Fettsters' is not exactly as "edgy" as he once was. So, just to keep the story moving along, let's say I picked the guitar....
|Here you see an Instrument (left), a Gaystrument (middle),|
and the very rare Pepprument (right).
Being a moderate young man, I chose a somewhat androgynous instrument: the tenor saxophone. It was the perfect solution. It was heavy (proving my strength), made of shiny brass (showing I could appreciate beauty), and a total babe-magnet (proving it was a saxophone). But it was also a woodwind, and needed a slow, tender hand like that of a smoldering lover. I had listened to a lot of Pointer Sisters that previous summer and knew that girls liked that kind of thing. Turned out, that was a total lie. After a few years I dropped the sax and quit the band altogether. Reason? Overt deception by The Pointer Sisters.
After giving up the sax I decided to not do anything at all for about 3 years. Then, one fateful day in 1988, I decided to buy a guitar. But being only a high school student, I had not the means to do so. So I bided my time; waiting until after graduation. Then I got my first full time job! Finally I could afford to fulfill my dream! As soon as I could, I went out and got…married. But right after that, my wife and I got…a baby. But then, after only several decades, I bought a nice Yamaha acoustic guitar.
But it was hard so I gave it up in about a week. I gave the guitar to my Mom.
Eventually though I bought another guitar and, this time, I stuck with it. I am at a level now where having my guitar “pretty much” in tune is unacceptable. I need to keep it tuned as precisely as possible. I am still learning how to tune by ear, but for now that skill is beyond my ability. In the meantime, I require an electronic tuner. When I bought my original guitar (the one I gave away), there was a small tuner included. It did the job, more or less. But, it required almost complete silence to display an accurate reading.
|The Snark tuner is |
brought to you by the letter E
"But Mr. Blogonet, I don't play a manly instrument like the guitar!" I hear you cry. "I play a sissy instrument. Why can't they ever make something for me? You know, just because I play the piccolo doesn't mean I'm not worth it. WAAA!!!".
Well first of all, don't be such a big baby. Stop bawling. Honestly, have you no self respect? I will turn this post around! Okay...that's better. Here's a cookie and a juice box. Just calm down and listen. The Snark people also make an "all instrument" tuner (with extended frequencies), as well as tabletop versions of both. I really love mine. Unlike other tuners I have owned, it shows more than just what "letter" I am tuned to. It uses a virtual tuner "needle" to display changes, even very minute ones, in pitch. This allows for highly precise tuning. So much so, even a slight change in the guitars temperature will be shown on the Snark meter. This can happen after holding it against your body for a few minutes. Or for hours. Or spooning with your guitar after a steamy night of finger picking. It can happen...what?
Oh, and the best part of this nifty tuner? The price. The Snark (at least the one I bought) is less than $30. Like a great man/boy once said, "It is so choice. If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up.".